Finding my voice is more challenging than I had anticipated. I set out on this blog writing journey to find it and let it shine. I thought for sure that God had impressed upon my heart to write about the ups and downs of my life so I can let others know they’re not alone in their struggles.
I read all these amazing blogs, and these women seem to write with such ease and grace. I feel like a songbird trying to belt out a tune and instead I croak like a frog! It’s somewhere in here – but it’s not coming out how I had planned.
I guess it goes back to letting go and letting God. I keep trying to take too much control of things and force them, when I need to step back, read my Bible, devotionals, and Al-Anon literature, absorb them and then let it flow…like stream of consciousness…like a journal…like now.
I had a conversation with my sponsor last night about control ( see, I am still on Step One – and that’s okay – even though I want to move forward- I am not really ready ); and, I think I can handle it all, like a superhero, and I just keep adding and adding more and more to my plate – lessening a lot of time to focus on self-care. I fill my life with business because, subconsciously, don’t feel like I’m worthy enough to spend my time on. Now, I know that intellectually I can and should spend time to reflect, recharge and regroup- but it’s the execution of it that presents the underlying problem.
My days are full, and for that, I am grateful. Yet, I need to manage my time more effectively and learn to make time every day to, reflect, recharge and regroup.
Just 3 Simple Steps , yet we all know that the airplane pilots tell the adults to do if in an emergency situation– put your mask on first so you can help your children ( because without us, they’re left floundering – figuratively and hopefully not literally). Well, every day might not be an emergency – but what do we do when faced with one? We have to lay that foundation so we can get stronger emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. It’s okay to ask for that time, too. We need to reflect, recharge & regroup with God on a daily basis.
Take a walk or run in the beautiful outdoors – maybe spend some time with some 4-legged creatures.
Read your Bible, engage in your bible studies or absorb other spiritually encouraging writings.
Watch a funny TV show (our family favorite is “The Big Bang Theory” – it never fails to get us rolling!!)
Talk with a mentor.
Grab coffee with a friend or go out on a date with your spouse.
I recall my pastor saying that we actually need to focus on our health so we are “prepared to do the work that God has planned for us.”
A house requires a solid foundation on which to sit – before it gets all the beautifiers and windows and in which to let the light shine. Well, we need the same, except we need to allow the light in so we can let it shine out – that’s our role here on earth.
I need to re-set my foundation. It’s not going to be perfect, but it’s going to be what I need to stay sane on a daily basis. And the guilt? I’m not going to let that little gremlin take up lifetime residency – I’m kickin’ him out (even if it‘s piece by piece!) – Ha!
It’s in there, I know it is… ( I just have to know where to look for it)