Ah, the Plan…
So Jimmy and I got married and began our life of happily-ever-after – I mean that’s what the fairy tales and movies promise us, right?
I began to feel like I was missing something. I had been putting my all into this sacred relationship and at the same time I was losing my husband, but not in the sense you might think.
An increasing sense of being uncomfortable in my own skin…
I will not go in to details; but, late nights at work and outings with friends sans me became frequent and lasted into the wee hours of the morning. Piling bills and missing money from the shared account. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I should have. Yep, there’s that nasty word, “should.” You see, I have a background in psychology and addiction. In my mind I should have seen it creeping up in our relationship. But I can tell you that when you are in the trenches, you don’t want to see it.
Racehorse blinders on my life were just fine, thank you.
I kept hearing, “Take an honest look at things, Kristin.” (Who was telling me this?)
Then one night I was in one of my favorite places on earth, the local Barnes & Noble. I was perusing some shelves, when I heard someone say, “Excuse me miss, you know, it IS okay to take care of yourself.”
There was a gentleman sitting in a chair at the end of an aisle, and he looked at me with such gentle, familiar, eyes, and said, “Sorry to interrupt you, but I was told you needed to hear that.” Interaction with a strange male in a store again – what was going on?!
This time, I said “okay.” But I walked away.
I drove back to an empty house, and cried like I’ve never cried before.
I was done, I said. I cannot live like this anymore, I wanted out…