Blinders on My Life (part 3 of my story)

Ah, the Plan…

So Jimmy and I got married and began our life of happily-ever-after – I mean that’s what the fairy tales and movies promise us, right?

I began to feel like I was missing something. I had been putting my all into this sacred relationship and at the same time I was losing my husband, but not in the sense you might think.

An increasing sense of being uncomfortable in my own skin…

I will not go in to details; but, late nights at work and outings with friends sans me became frequent and lasted into the wee hours of the morning.  Piling bills and missing money from the shared account. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I should have.  Yep, there’s that nasty word, “should.”  You see, I have a background in psychology and addiction.  In my mind I should have seen it creeping up in our relationship.  But I can tell you that when you are in the trenches, you don’t want to see it.

Racehorse blinders on my life were just fine, thank you.

the lord is close to the broken hearted

I kept hearing, “Take an honest look at things, Kristin.”  (Who was telling me this?)

Then one night I was in one of my favorite places on earth, the local Barnes & Noble.  I was perusing some shelves, when I heard someone say, “Excuse me miss, you know, it IS okay to take care of yourself.”

WHAT?!

There was a gentleman sitting in a chair at the end of an aisle, and he looked at me with such gentle, familiar, eyes, and said, “Sorry to interrupt you, but I was told you needed to hear that.”  Interaction with a strange male in a store again – what was going on?!

This time, I said “okay.” But I walked away.

I drove back to an empty house, and cried like I’ve never cried before.

I was done, I said. I cannot live like this anymore, I wanted out…

 

3 thoughts on “Blinders on My Life (part 3 of my story)

  1. Oh girl, I’ve been sitting here catching up on your story…and I’m amazed. I’m so glad you are sharing it. Through our sharing we heal and we help others.
    Those angel encounters gave me chills. To know our heavenly Father loves us so much he would send someone, just for us, to let us know our pain is seen and we are not forgotten makes me love Him even more!

    • Thanks for stopping by Alecia ! I get chills, too- funny thing is, I have learned that those chills are God communicating with me. I have a few more angel stories yet!! Jimmy’s grandmother ( whom is my mrntor) likes to say that I “have been kissed by angels!” I love that image ♡

  2. Pingback: Grace and Step 1 | See the Shine * Be the Shine

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